One-off Challenge 6: Milk A Thing

Dairy! Totally non-dairy! Because this drawing is as close as I got to a cow all year.

This challenge is courtesy of…

Magnus Lyon

The challenge

For a long time, I didn't think this challenge was going to happen. Despite living in the countryside (or at least being countryside adjacent), I don't actually know any dairy farmers - they're a dying breed, these days. Also, while I know a few people who keep animals, they're all the non-milking sort (poultry, mostly - see house sitting iif you want to hear about my adventures with our feathered friends).  Then, in a moment of blinding brilliance and awareness, I realised something.  Something important. Something vital. Something... beautiful.

I am a weasely bastard.

Because it's not milk an animal, is it?  It's milk a thing. And that, my friends, is a loophole big enough to drive a whole herd of cattle through.

Let's begin.

First, grab your nuts.

I'm going with almonds, because I like almonds. And because it was easy to find a recipe for almond milk online.

Next, give your nuts a good soak.

You don't want grubby nut milk, do you? 12 hours should do it.
Not an appetising stage, I will admit.
Rub your nuts until the skin comes off.

Ouch.
This was exactly as tedious and boring as you'd imagine.

Cream your nuts with 950ml of water until smooth.

This step felt like cheating, to be honest.  It involved a blender, for fuck's sake. That's not milking, that's making a nut smoothie!

Cream of nut soup
The big show! Milk your nuts!

Ohhhh yeah, milk 'em, baby!  Milk 'em goooooooooooood...



And yes, I did try and make it look as dirty as possible. Because, obviously.

Admire end product and dispose of worrying looking leftovers 

And that's it. One litre of genuine, 100% vegan almond milk.  Plus some leftover almond... cheese.  I'm going to go with calling it cheese.

Milky, milky.
There's always gunk to dispose of after milking one's nuts.
So how was it?
Renae and I always have breakfast together unless one of us is out and about super early, so I figured I'd make our morning cappuccinos with the almond milk.  They were...
The milk did steam well, I'll admit.
 OK, I guess. Certainly not awful. There was an interestingly Christmassy taste, with a distinct marzipan flavour coming through from the almonds, while the chocolate shavings were more noticeable than normal. The only real complaint (other than the slight oddity of marzipan flavoured coffee) was that the mouth feel was a bit thin compared to the creamy, unctuousness of full-fat cow's milk.
 Challenge complete!

Will I do it again?

I guess if Brexit goes to shit and the supermarkets are devoid of milk but implausibly well stocked with almonds I might break out my nut milking skills once more. Come to think of it, these challenges might be useful all-round in the Brexit apocalypse (see also: Learn to bake bread, Whittle a thing, Brew beer, Go axe-throwing and Learn sword-fighting.)

Long-term updates

French words "learned" (according to the memrise app):1,028! Past the 1k mark.
Daily photos taken? Yes.
Swordfighting learnt: Not this week.
I am currently reading: Still nope.
"Cheat" days on food since last week: One. Roleplay is very dangerous to my waistline!
"Cheat" days on exercise: I went swimming once. And squeezed a lot of nuts.
My favourite drawing:  Also nope.

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